You will either love the prospect of giving a speech at a wedding or you'll hate it, but either way there are plenty of ways of making sure that it's acceptable, successful and memorable.
First, it's best to know what the traditional order of speeches should be, and who is expected to do what. So, by tradition, when speech time arrives it is the Wedding host, usually the father of the bride, who gives the first speech. He (or she, if the host is, for instance, the mother of the bride) may be introduced, either by the toastmaster if there is one, or possibly by the best man.
The father of the bride will usually want to speak about his daughter, who he has just given away to the groom,, to welcome the groom into his family, and he will usually want to thank those people that have helped in any way to arrange the event, and to thank the guests for coming, often making special mention of those that have travelled a long way to be with the bride and groom on their special day. He will often want to say something about the couple, and their path to the wedding day, how they met and anything amusing or interesting that has happened to them in the time that they have known each other. He will always ensure that his remarks are addressed from both himself and his wife or partner, unless either his partner is no longer alive, or is planning to make a speech herself. The speech should always conclude with a toast to the bride and groom wishing them happiness in their future together.
Next in line, unless an additional speaker is to be heard, will normally be the groom. Sometimes the bride may also wish to speak but even if this is the case, and it is not traditional, the groom will speak first. He will also normally speak on behalf of himself and his new wife. The bridegroom's speech will often include some anecdotes about himself and his wife and their journey together, and will usually include some romantic compliments towards her. The other key elements of the groom's speech will include
- thanking the wedding hosts, and all those who have contributed in any way to the day
- the presentation of any gifts that have been bought to thank the key participants, such as the mothers' of the bride and groom
- the groom's thanks to all his and his wife's guests for coming to help them enjoy their day
- a word of thanks to the best man (be careful what you say here, as the best man has yet to speak!!)
- a toast to the bridesmaids
Finally comes the Best Man. It is his duty to wrap up the speeches, leave the guests laughing and relaxed, and ideally in a mild and somewhat tongue in cheek manner, embarrass the Bridegroom with a few witty anecdotes. This is a bit of a balancing act, as the last thing a best man should do on this day is upset either the bride or the parents of the bride and groom with stories that are too lurid, offensive, or cover past relationships. The critical thing is to keep it funny, mildly embarrassing, and with no more than a hint of any impropriety. The best man should always try to temper his jokes at the expense of the bridegroom with a few lines of sincere friendship, and compliment the groom on both his character and his choice of partner. He can then move on to the messages from those who are unable to be present on the day, and finally wish the bride and groom great happiness together in the future with a toast to them both.
The above paragraphs cover the essential content of the speeches and how much more any individual wishes to add to their speech is, of course, entirely up to themselves. It's a very personal day and so it's important that the stories that are told and the comments that are made are very much centred around the bride and groom and that they are predominantly warm and complimentary. There are a few tips that some may find useful, however, when planning a wedding speech which will help to ensure success and ensure that the audience (the wedding guests) remain engaged throughout. The best tips are widely acknowledged to be :
- Plan the speech - don't do it off the cuff - at least have a good idea of what you want to say before you stand up!
- Make notes - first in the planning stage so that when a thought of something you want to include comes into your mind, you can write it down, and so you won't forget it. Second, don't be afraid to take a few notes (just prompts, not the entire speech or it will sound very flat if it is just read out) with you and have them in front of you as prompts when you give your speech
- Break your speech up into subjects - introduction, thanks, anecdotes, summary, toast
- Practise your speech on your own, and tape it so that you can play it back to yourself - then you can refine it and get it right
- Remember, everyone wants you to feel comfortable because they want to enjoy the day too - so no-one will be critical - they will all be on your side
- Speak to everyone, and look up and at people, making eye contact from time to time - it keeps people listening
- Keep it short - this is one of the golden rules - if you are concise, and to the point your audience will stay with you, and they will like your speech. If you go on for hours, they will soon get bored
- When you listen to your speech, make sure it's not too formal - everyday speech is easier for most people to listen to. Also, when you are practising, try to avoid all the extra unnecessary words - the "ers" and the "ums", the "likes", and try to make sure you don't repeat yourself. Once said is enough!
- Allow yourself to breath. Pauses can be very effective, particularly if people react, by laughing, or clapping, and pauses give you time to get your breath and to think about what you are going to say next. Use them in practise too.
- Finally, good luck!
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